I remember the changing of the seasons being very upsetting in the first year of Rachels' death. The first signs of spring that we all have come to love were there as usual. Some things we can always count on.. the tulips will pop up out of the soil along side the crocus, the trees will bud, the snow will melt, the roads will crack, the lakes and streams will overflow with the water as the snow melts, the sun will feel warm on our faces, it will feel wonderful to shed the gloves and scarves.
But then there are the things that we thought we could count on and no longer can. And there are messages and signs of what should or could have been all around to remind us of what isn't. Or at least that was how it was for me.
I was reminded of this a week or so ago when I walked into Walmart and saw the bright pink and orange skipping ropes.. Geez, didn't you always have to have a new one.. I sure did!!! The hip swivel hopper thingie you put around your one ankle and swing around and jump over with the other foot. The bright colours of clothes with the blues, greens, pinks, and oranges. the bikes lined up as you walk in the door. Mykids always wanted the next size up. All those signs of spring that used to excite me as a kid also excited my kids and it just brought an extra little kick to your step.
And the rain, that sometimes feels like a drag but you know the April showers will bring May flowers - the cliche is actually true.. And the kids had their colorful umbrellas with their favorite Disney character printed on a couple of the panels and matching raincoats and boots.. could they be any cuter?
All these things were signs of things that were not going to happen the first year Rachel had died.. There would be no bike riding, the sound of kids playing in the street caused pangs of pain in my heart, the sounds of laughter were just not joyful sounds for me. I felt robbed of the simple pleasures of life that I thought were going to be part of being a Mom. Nobody is prepared for the pains of motherhood that losing a child brings.
But this could be the case for anyone with a recent loss. There are certain routines we all have that are seasonal. Perhaps you and your spouse always plan your summer vacation in the spring, or you take that trip down south in the spring, or you plant your garden together, or whatever hobbie or activity you enjoyed with a love one that looses its luster without them.
Yes, the changing of the seasons can be difficult. The first thing to do is give yourself permission to be in whatever emotional state you are in.. It's ok to be happy and enjoy the changing of the seasons and its ok to not be happy. It's not like you can change how you feel anyway.. It's just how you feel. And then there is the mext moment and how you feel then and so on.
Grieving is a process and you cannot get through that process without feeling all sorts of different emotions and it will be different for everyone.
And the seasons just continue to change and carry on whether you do or not.. that, we can depend on for sure and I remember in the first year resenting that.. "Doesn't the world know I have stopped!!! Shouldn't the world stop too until I get this sorted out.. How dare the world carry on while I am down and out.. "
Be gentle on yourself and you will get there. And while you are healing, take in the sunshine as you can. Every ray of sunshine will move you one step closer.. Whatever that sunshine is for you.
Cheryl
I am holding my next Life After Loss Workshop on May 7 from 1 - 3. For more information, email me at cherlucky@ rogers.com or visit us at www.thepathwaystoempowerment.com
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